This World I Live In

Ahhhhh.

I'm a 51yo, college-educated female, who was married for 27yrs. I didn't marry thinking of divorce as an option. I'm now divorced. Wasn't my choice. But I'm divorced nevertheless.

I'm working as a retail sales clerk. That's not my field. I worked in my field for a number of years. Then, when we adopted child #3, I began staying home. 7yrs later, when I needed to earn a livable income (due to the divorce, see above), I found I was out. Couldn't get back into my field. Too long away, too old now. Mommy-tracked. Not my choice. But here I am, nevertheless.

I have today off. Retail gives you strange days off. It's also HARD. I'm on my feet constantly. No sitting allowed except at breaks & lunch. At my age, this takes a toll. On my days off, I try not to be standing. I don't make a lot of money. It's sufficient for my needs, but who wants to live just making ends meet? Any unexpected expense kills my budget. There is no savings. There is no retirement fund (used that to pay off bills when I began staying home with my kids. Figured I could make it back. After all, I have a degree, a good work history!!).

So much for the economy getting better! 50+yrs old, and looking for work at a livable wage. Age discrimination is alive & well in the USofA. Do you know how many women I know are in the same position? If we had any credit left after our divorces, we could buy a big old house together. I can think of 6 of us, offhand.

Why are we spending money prosecuting a war in Iraq, when things here at home are such a mess?

My youngest child is still at home. However, she's an alcoholic/addict, so she's not home much. In 6 more months, I can ask her to leave. Even tho she messes my house, does no chores, refuses to go to school, is going out with a 35yo man, doesn't come home most nights -- I can't put her out. She's under 18, and I have to provide a home for her. I tried to send her to her father -- he sent her back. The law says I have to house her. The law says I'm limited in how to compel proper behavior on her part. Society says I'm not a good mom because she's troubled. Sooorrreeee. I've done all I can. She's (& we've) been in counseling since she was 9. She's been in rehab, both in & out-patient. I've cut her off financially (other than what I'm required to provide), she has to support her own habit. Now I'm in AlAnon & FA, waiting for her 18th birthday. (Sing it with me : An-ti-cip-a-ation...)

I've been in front of this computer all day. I need to get out of the house. It's better if I get out of the house, even just a little bit.

But, each day gets better. It's sunny out, the roads are clear of snow. My car works. And so does my computer.

Here I am, nevertheless.