Amazing Year

Wow! My blog's still here!
Today's the day after my 53rd birthday. Things haven't changed much, except I moved to the Pacific Northwest, to get to know my oldest son & his family. My other 4 are all out on their own, including the alcoholic/addict, who's still out there, doing what she does. Please God, I'd rather not go to her funeral yet.

On the other hand, everything has changed.

I recently read Emmett Fox's "Sermon On The Mount," and "Finding Your Inner Power." Wow! What powerful books & concepts. What would the world be like if everyone did their best to align themselves with God's will, and lived their lives accordingly? I can't even imagine. At first, it seems as if we'd all be at odds. But then, when you think it thru, you realize that we'd all be acting in concert, just different pieces of the whole. Like an orchestra. The Harmony of the Spheres -- for real.

Another thought: Where I now live is militantly eco-friendly. However, the very-decent public transportation system is not well-used. Having spent years in Chicago, where public transportation is ridden by CEOs and the cleaning crew, I am totally amazed at the lack of follow-thru on values. These people espouse walking the Earth lightly, doing as little damage as possible, repairing all we can -- but they won't get out of their cars/SUVs and take the bus. For the most part, you can get almost anywhere in a timely manner by bus. With more ridership, the system could be expanded, could become the gem of the Northwest. Instead, it is mostly used by the working poor and the homeless. If more of the policymakers practiced what they preached, they would get out of their cars & onto the buses. Better for the environment. Better for the neighborhood.

That said, it looks like I'm getting a car next week. I left my car back in the Midwest and have been doing pub.trans. & rides since I moved here. Or walking. I'm not sure if I'm going to regularly drive to work. I kind of like not having to deal with traffic & weather. However, grocery shopping on foot/bus is problematic. Last week, at work, we had laundry detergent on buy 1 get 1 sale. With my discount, it was a real savings, and would have stocked me up til summer. I couldn't take advantage of it because I'd have to schlep it home on the bus and that's too heavy for me to carry. If I had had a car, I could have driven it to work 1 day and gotten all home with no problem. So, for convenience sake, I'm very happy. For financial sake, I'm scared. I'll now have a car payment, insurance payment, and gas -- whereas I've only been paying for a bus pass, about equal to one fill-up for my old car. I may need to get a 2nd job just to pay for the car! Why am I doing this?
Freedom.

That's it for today.

This World I Live In

Ahhhhh.

I'm a 51yo, college-educated female, who was married for 27yrs. I didn't marry thinking of divorce as an option. I'm now divorced. Wasn't my choice. But I'm divorced nevertheless.

I'm working as a retail sales clerk. That's not my field. I worked in my field for a number of years. Then, when we adopted child #3, I began staying home. 7yrs later, when I needed to earn a livable income (due to the divorce, see above), I found I was out. Couldn't get back into my field. Too long away, too old now. Mommy-tracked. Not my choice. But here I am, nevertheless.

I have today off. Retail gives you strange days off. It's also HARD. I'm on my feet constantly. No sitting allowed except at breaks & lunch. At my age, this takes a toll. On my days off, I try not to be standing. I don't make a lot of money. It's sufficient for my needs, but who wants to live just making ends meet? Any unexpected expense kills my budget. There is no savings. There is no retirement fund (used that to pay off bills when I began staying home with my kids. Figured I could make it back. After all, I have a degree, a good work history!!).

So much for the economy getting better! 50+yrs old, and looking for work at a livable wage. Age discrimination is alive & well in the USofA. Do you know how many women I know are in the same position? If we had any credit left after our divorces, we could buy a big old house together. I can think of 6 of us, offhand.

Why are we spending money prosecuting a war in Iraq, when things here at home are such a mess?

My youngest child is still at home. However, she's an alcoholic/addict, so she's not home much. In 6 more months, I can ask her to leave. Even tho she messes my house, does no chores, refuses to go to school, is going out with a 35yo man, doesn't come home most nights -- I can't put her out. She's under 18, and I have to provide a home for her. I tried to send her to her father -- he sent her back. The law says I have to house her. The law says I'm limited in how to compel proper behavior on her part. Society says I'm not a good mom because she's troubled. Sooorrreeee. I've done all I can. She's (& we've) been in counseling since she was 9. She's been in rehab, both in & out-patient. I've cut her off financially (other than what I'm required to provide), she has to support her own habit. Now I'm in AlAnon & FA, waiting for her 18th birthday. (Sing it with me : An-ti-cip-a-ation...)

I've been in front of this computer all day. I need to get out of the house. It's better if I get out of the house, even just a little bit.

But, each day gets better. It's sunny out, the roads are clear of snow. My car works. And so does my computer.

Here I am, nevertheless.

I Have My Own Blog!

This is sooooo cool! What shall I write here? State of the union? Progress of my recovery?

How 'bout what it's like living an ordinary life in 2004? OK, relatively ordinary. When I describe my life to others, it doesn't sound very ordinary. To me, it's just trying to do the best I can every day.

So, here we go. I don't know where this will take me, or what it means in the greater scheme of things, but, we're off!